Finding Myself

As the mom of two basically grown children, I often wonder who I am without the definition of mother. I have been known as Mama, Mommy, Mom, Ma, Mum, MOTHER for almost 19 years. I will never lose that title, but re-focusing my life and looking at the changes looming, I wonder how else to define myself.

This is not the end, I know, it is only the beginning, but it is something to seriously consider.

One other thing to consider is whether I want to let anyone else into my life anytime soon. Hmmmm...

Senior Year...Times 2

Both of my boys are seniors in high school this year, in two different schools.

I am a bit concerned about the amount of time that this fact will entail. I am a newly single mother with two grown boys that do not drive. There are a lot of activities to get to, and special moments to attend. Can I do it all on my own?

NO!

I can't do it on my own, I will have to rely on my friends to help when needed. I will have to rely on the kindness of others to be there when I can't. What is it Hilary Clinton said, "It takes a village to raise a child"? It will take a village to get the three of us through this year I am telling you now!

I am also not totally alone, because their dad will be there for all of the big milestone moments. He is as involved as he can be with a job that has him traveling most weekends. I am thankful that they have a dad that loves them as much as he does.

This year is going to be rough, but I am confident that with the help of those that love us, we can get through it!

(but I know there WILL be tears, hopefully not too many)

Boys and Their Toys

This week I took A to trade in an XBox game at Game Stop. With the money he received from it, he was able to get 2 used games.

We then went home, and he played the games. He played them all week when he wasn't in rehearsal for his latest musical. H played them whenever he wasn't in rehearsals or performing his latest musical (or hanging out with his girlfriend).

I don't understand the games they play, and I don't think I would ever be able to play them myself.

I've learned over the past 18 years that there are many things I will never understand about boys. I have also learned that there are so many more things that I appreciate about them!

They are kind, caring, loving, understanding, accepting, talented, opinionated, strong and happy.

I so love being their mom!

Dancing in the Rain

H & I were rushing out of the store today as it started to rain. It was a warm rain and I mentioned that I wanted to dance in the rain.

By the time we got home, the rain had stopped. I will admit that I was a bit disappointed.

I sat down to go through all of the shows that were piling up on my DVR. I was all comfy and curled up on my couch, when I heard the rain.

I jumped up and ran out my back door and let the rain wash over me. I then started spinning and dancing and ran out front and met up with H where we ran and splashed in the puddles.

In the past I didn't let myself do this, I thought that I was too old for that stuff. That I "shouldn't" go play and let myself go.

I had so much fun with my "kid." We laughed and played. When we came in we both went our separate ways and got out of our wet clothes and changed into dry ones and I snuggled back on the couch and took a nap.

It was so much fun to "Let go and dance in the rain" with my grown son. I think it is good to teach our children that we are never too old to have some fun and to let go!

Thanks H for playing with your mom!

Listen to Your Children

Visiting Dad

The boys went to spend a few days with their dad and his girlfriend. At first I was freaking out, I didn't know what to expect, and neither did they. They were nervous too. I tried to remain calm around them and kept saying, "you're going to have such a great time." I wasn't sure about it, but I kept saying it, maybe I was trying to convince us all.

I will admit that I was also nervous about what I would do. My life revolves around the kids these days. I don't do a whole lot without them.

It all turned out great. They had so much fun, and I got a chance to hang out with friends and relax a bit.

One thing that had me really concerned was the fact that they were spending time with people that I don't know, including their dad's girlfriend. I wasn't sure how that would work out. It was really good though. They really like her, and she isn't trying to replace me. It never hurts to have someone else love my kids. The way she came into their lives may have started out in a negative way, but from what they told me, it couldn't have gone better.

H & A both said that if we were to meet in a different way, we would probably get along really well. This has put my heart and mind at ease. It has also helped me to heal a bit.

I don't know that they will ever read this, but I thank you M & K for making this all easier for the boys! I pray that we can "co-parent" with peace and grace.

What, You Mean You Want to Leave Me?

I remember when my boys were small. They would tell me that they were going to live with me forever. As they got a little older, they said they would buy a house next to mine. As each year progressed they seemed to want to be farther away, across town, in the same state, across the country, and when really angry...out of the country.

H had to sit out his senior year due to some medical issues. When talking about going back to school to finish up, he said he was going to get his GED and move to Oregon (we live in Florida). I was devastated! Then I was thrilled when he decided to go back and repeat his senior year (in state).

A plans to stay home for the first couple of years of college. It will save money, and let him save up for his dream school in NYC!

I was thinking about that the other day. H & A both want to leave me one day. What is up with that? I am awesome! I am so much fun! I am a GREAT mom! And then it hit me...I AM a great mom, that is why they feel safe enough to leave home. I may have to give A a little push, but he'll be ready when it is time.

I'll admit, I am scared for when they will be gone and on their own. Not for them, but for me!

I will need to find something to do...maybe I'll start dating!